Birth Story - Judah

The first time I looked into his little eyes, all I could think about was how I was officially 'complete'. My world is tied to him and my heart expanded three million times to accomodate the love I have for him.

Judah Galen was born at 8:54 a.m. on Saturday, April 27, 2013. He weighed a whopping 9 lbs 8 oz and was 21.5  inches long. He is perfect in every way.

(To curb the question you may have, we had baby Jude 100% natural, no interventions. But I will tell you now, there shouldn't be any judgements to any other way of giving birth. It's all beautiful and everyone is different.)

At my last appointment with my midwife (4 days before Jude was born) I was dilated to 4 cm. She calmly told me to go home and be sure that I had everything in order. I did, I was already impatiently waiting to go into labor! So naturally, I had false labor that night. My mom said she even slept in her jeans. I didn't go into real labor for another 4 days. And when my labor actually started on Friday evening, it was so calm that I didn't really know if it was labor. But we decided to go into the hospital anyways because my contractions, though not very intense, were regular.

Me and my sweet socks laboring. 

When we got to the hospital they had me walk around for an hour and after an hour of walking (and not-so-intense contractions) I was dilated to a 5 and they admitted me. We were so excited! Not to mention the midwife we had been praying we would get was on duty!

Another couple hours later and my labor really hadn't progressed. My midwife told me that she could feel a very soft spot in the amniotic sack, and we could wait for it to break or she could break it for us. Since I just knew that we wouldn't get any sleep at home, my water may break on the way home, and not to mention it was storming outside, Jacob and I decided it would be okay for her to break my water. So she went up there and felt around and "pop" goes the water. The midwife said, "oh I feel some hair".

After that my labor got slowly more intense. I no longer questioned if I was having a contraction, I knew they were happening. I should note that she broke my water around 3 a.m. and after that I didn't pay attention to the time.

Contractions were steady and steadily getting more and more intense. I could still handle the pain though. I was doing a side step and breath type motions during those contractions. Then at some point they became so intense that I wanted to lay down, or someone told me to lie down, I don't remember.

 There was a green light within a light that I concentrated on the entire labor. I would feel a contraction coming on, look up at that little green light, and think "Let's do this green light. You need to distract me, little light." I know that sounds silly, but it helped. I would look at that green light, hear my mom and Jacob chanting "in and out...breath in and out...in and out", and then lose myself. I would lose myself not to the pain, but to some other universe... to some other place in my mind. It was a very different place, a place where I thought about my internal organs, my blood rushing, my pulse. I think this place is where God lets you escape to during very intense times of pain.

My mom and Jacob tell me that they were really worried about me during this time. My mom has been to a couple of my sister's baby's births and she says that mine was really "scary". I didn't think it was scary, I thought it was labor. But then again, this was my first time doing this. ;)

At one point, I gave up and said (well kind of whispered) "can I have an epidural?" I didn't have the energy to cry. But I wanted to. I needed rest, some form of respit from the pain. (I should note here that I didn't have an IV port put in when I was admitted to the hospital. I should've, but I didn't.) When I was asking for the epidural the all too eager nurse said, "okay, well you'll have to have fluids for 45 min before we can give you one." Shit. shit. shit. that's all I could think. whatever. I truly believed that I needed this drug and I needed it now. I have really small veins and with the intensity of my contractions, the nurse couldn't get my vein for the fluids. I don't know how it came about, but they figured out that I was transitioning and I was about to start pushing, sans epidural.

Yahoo!!!!! I get to push. I get to finish. I was so tired, and to be honest I didn't know how to push. I just knew that I wanted to. I think we did three different positions for pushing: squatting using a bar, doggy style on the bed, and on my back. I pushed for about an hour (or so I'm told). While I was pushing in doggy style on the bed, they figured out that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. I didn't really even hear this go down, my midwife was so swift that I didn't really even know that he was in danger. She had me kind of lift my leg and with a smooth motion, he was safe and sound.

Pushing was such a relief compared to contractions. Here's a few of my thoughts during this phase of labor, "wow, this is so amazing", "shit. shit. shit", "the ring of fire is real", "and my God in heaven, thank you for allowing my body to do this".

One of the most amazing parts of this was when I could literally feel him moving downward in the birth canal and I could feel his movements in my lower abdomen. Holy cow, that was more miraculous than I can explain.

It's amazing how huge I am here, but this picture is so true to the moment that I refuse to be ashamed by it. I love this moment. 

About an hour later it was over with one really hard, really good push, out he came. My little blessing, the other part of my heart, my son, was on my belly and all I could do was cry. I kindof hyperventilated, and kept saying, "he's so big!" He was big. An almost 10 lb baby just came out of me!

I'm jealous by how good he looks, but here's my boys for the first time. 

They cleaned him off while he was on my belly. The look in my husbands eyes was worth more than any amount of money. And the feeling of love I had is something only a mother can understand, but no one can accurately explain.

My big boy. :) 

After the cord stopped pulsing, Jacob cut it. Then, Jude and Jacob were in a different part of the room. They were sucking things out of Jude's little throat. This is when I looked down at myself. I was really in a state of... gosh, I don't even know. I had baby meconium poop on me, blood, and really only God knows what else all over me. This is also when I realized how tired and what my body had just gone through. I was uncontrollably shaking and I was so cold. I got kindof panicky but Jacob strolled over with my baby and gave him to me.

He says, "give me boob!"

--Quick sidebar, I feel like no one tells you this. When you're laboring the baby there's like 2 people in the room. And just as soon as they're born, the room is full of people helping to repair you and your very open to the world vagina. -- (fun stuff)

We both were a little worn out. I was so so tired. 

I had no idea what I was doing when it came to breastfeeding but a few kind nurses, a not so helpful lactation consultant, Jude nursed like a champ. He still does, my big boy loves the good stuff. If you know a new mom who is trying to nurse, and you've been there -- help her. Seriously. It's hard to go it alone. I'm forever grateful for one of our friends, who later helped me by telling me I was doing the right thing, and she gave me books to ease my discomfort. My experience with breastfeeding is a whole other story, but long story short. I love it now.

I'm pretty sure I was really trying to smile here, but I was so tired. 

That's really all there was to my birth story. I was so lucky to have my midwife, Leanna. I was so lucky to have my husband and my mom there. I was really lucky to have completed this monumental task without drugs. Being a mom has truly completed me. I didn't know I was missing this part of my life, until I held him in my arms. I never want to take a second of it for granted.

Peace out, friends.

If you have links to your birth story, post em. I love to read them.

Letter To Me

I think this is something everyone should do. Once a year, I try to write to my future self. I want to lay out expectations, hopes, dreams, and so on. In a few years when I look back on it, I can see the differences.

Source 

Hey Kylee, 
Once we get past the initial awkward portion of the letter where I feel like a crazy person, we can begin. K, now that that's over! 

This year has been pretty crazy for you. You graduated from college, started a job -- then started an even better one after that. You and Jacob bought a house, and then found yourself pregnant. Haha, surprise!! 

As usual, you are trying to be better. You really your job and you also want to be a SAHM, so there's conflicting viewpoints there. You want to update and change the house. Really, you just want to feel comfortable and "finished" with the house. That's not going to happen until you settle on a style that you like! You're so indecisive. 

Your marriage is doing really well today. Of course there are rough patches for you both, like the whole tag ticket debacle that happened today. (Remind Jacob of that... he'll probably wish you would just forget about it). But you two are in love and going stronger than ever. 

He's so excited about becoming a dad. I know deep down that it's what is meant for you both. The baby is growing very well. I am about 19 weeks pregnant now. We don't know the sex yet. 

At the moment, I'm so worried about being a good mom. It's already hard for me because I love this baby so so much that I'm worried about doing a good job. I already don't want to leave the baby with someone else. I already just want to hold that sweet little thing in my arms and never ever let go. Something inside of me knows that I will love this baby more than anything I've ever loved. 

This year your dad was diagnosed with Cancer. That was rough. For the whole family. It was hard to see the strongest man you know become weaker. Please go give your future dad a kiss from the past kylee for me. I can say that you have seen the power of true prayer and pure determination. Our God is truly amazing. 

I guess I expect that by this time next year, you'll be listening to Christmas music watching your son or daughter crawl around and your hubs chase them around. You'll be wondering where the time went. I'm pretty sure that here in the past, you just felt the baby move. Apparently, it likes (or dislikes for all I know) Michael Buble's Christmas music. 

I hope that you have done a few things with your life. I hope that you are okay with the daycare you chose, and you and Jacob have jobs that you love. I hope that you aren't stressed. I hope that you are pouring yourself into your marriage and into your child. I hope you remember how happy you are right now (very). 

I really hope that everyone is doing well, and life has delighted you in this year(s). 

Sincerely, 
Kylee 

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope you have a happy thanksgiving. Enjoy your families and be truly thankful for how blessed we all really are. 

Wedding Anniversary: Advice From a 3-year Wife

Today is our anniversary. November 20, 2009. We were married when I was young. Like 19 young. So yes, do the math. You will conclude that I am a 22 year old wife, with a baby on the way. Pass your judgements quickly and get over some of the shock. Despite what my generation has led you to believe we are not all idiots. Yes, I was young and I did have to grow up during our marriage, but let me tell you -- I wouldn't have it any other way. I see it as we got a headstart on our life.

I will share what little wisdom I have learned in 3 years of marriage. I could be wrong with what I say, you could choose to let my age or my inexperience with life affect how you take what the rest of this post is about, but I will tell you that you could be making a mistake. I think we are called to share this sort of wisdom with each other so we can grow -- and grow closer to our spouse in return.  Here are my tidbits.

1) God First, Spouse Second. 
This is biblical. We have found that whenever we have our priorities straight, marriage seems easy and fun. When we put something ahead of God in the priority list, such as money or work, we tend to lose sight of what we are going for in this life and that's to serve God and then serve each other. 

2) Submit to your husband. 
I think this is where some will go "Whoa! Whoa! We are equals!". Yea, that's true in society, men and women are equals. And I'm not saying that men or husbands are better than women, I'm saying we as wives should allow our husbands to lead the household. I don't think this is a free pass for men to sit on the couch while we fix dinner and raise the children, I'm saying that in our culture we are taught to take control. In our society, women are considered weak if they don't control a situation, lay down the law with their men, or be the final word in all decisions. It's wrong. Our culture has taught us that husbands are the dumb guys that order the wrong cell phone package or get the wrong cheese. They couldn't possibly be trusted with getting the right cheese! Submit to your husband. Trust that every idea and leadership decision he makes is in the best interest of your family and you will see that when you allow your man to lead, he does just that. He leads. 

3) Talk About Your Expectations You Have For Him

We all have this image of the "ideal husband" in our heads. It's been crammed in there from when we were little girls. (My man will rub my feet every night and then gives me roses for everything). We all have these expectations. Ask your husband, I'm sure he has a few of his own. What I've learned from marriage is that if you never talk about your expectations with your spouse and just expect him to "understand your needs", you're going to be let down. Not that it's by any fault of your husband, it's because he literally doesn't know what you want from him. Talk. About. It. 

4) You should "come onto" Him Too

Wait a sec, did I just talk about sexy time? Oh, yes I did. It's scandalous, I know. But really, we women have been making men look bad for a long time with this. We just don't have the sex drive like men do. WRONG. We just don't have the same type of sex drive men do. Ours is definitely not a switch to be turned on and off in a moments notice, but it does go to the "on" mode. My advice is make the first move and see what happens. Stop making your man beg for it all the time and surprise him by "coming onto" him first. WOWZA! 

Well, that's all I have for you. I hope you enjoy. And I would love to hear what advice you have for me! I'm a really good listener, I swear. 

  

Coffee Date

Today, I'm linking up with Casey over at The Wiegand's. This is my first time on linking up with this post of hers so I don't know if you're supposed to write a different type of post or like what she has, so I'm going with like what she has. 

Coffee Date...

If you came to my house right now for a coffee date I would invite you in and you would instantly be greeted by my two dogs, Optimus and Janie. 

I would tell you that we have been working on their greeting methods lately, but they still get VERY excited while meeting new people. 

I would ask if you wanted coffee, hot chocolate, tea, or caffeine free pepsi. I would drink water. I have been trying to eat and drink healthier lately because of the baby. 

I would ask you how things are going with you. How is your walk with Jesus going? 

I would tell you that Jacob and I have seen so little of each other that we've been having mini bible study sessions through notes. He's always so sweet in the note and then he gives us a passage and talks about it. 

I would tell you that the baby is growing and how weird I've felt lately. I was so sick for a while and now that the sickness has passed, I almost don't feel pregnant. 

I would tell you that I have been thinking about the moment that I get to meet my child for the first time brings me to tears every time I think about it. 

I would ask you if you were comfortable. Our house is old and it tends to get really warm and really cold. Need a blanket? 

I would tell you that I'm going to start decorating for Christmas on Saturday. When are you decorating? Have you gotten all of your shopping done? 

I haven't finished my shopping. And as per usual money is a little tight around here this year, and I want to bless everyone with an amazing gift. I will most likely save money by making a few creative gifts. 

I would tell you my fears. I don't know how good of a mother I will be. I don't know what we're doing about daycare. We can barely take care of ourselves, how are we supposed to take care of a baby? 

I would finish with a prayer for faith. What can I pray for you about? 

I enjoyed our time. See you soon. 

Life In Cell Phone Pics

This week has been such an awakening for me. With a very inspiring blogger meetup and new-found energy to boot, I'm feeling great and ready to conquer the world! Can we say "second trimester attitude". 

Jake sent me this picture with the caption, "I'm too sexy to be out in public" or something to that extent. He's right, he's just too sexy to be on the streets. ;)

This is a VERY quickly made business card I did for the #OKBlogger Meet up on Friday. I made about 25 of them for about a $1.50. Not bad, eh?

I look tired and rough, but I had so much fun. I'm sure you recognize these two Allison from Feeding My Temple and Melissa from Pineapple Lily.

Jake was off on Saturday so we got to hang out. I have long weeks when he works night shifts. I was just too happy to see my baby daddy. 

On Saturday evening we visited Jake's folk's house. I saw this picture of the hubs as a brand new baby. He was only around 5 lbs! 

Seeing Jake's baby pic made me want to see mine and his side-by-side. So I dug this out today. Let's just say I was NOT a 5 lb. baby. lol, I was chubby. I'm thinking that our baby might have a little hair, who knows though. 

Well, that's the gist of my week. How was yours? Did you do anything fun? 


Be on the lookout for a few changes around my blog. I'm thinking about bringing back swap sponsoring! And of course, I think I need a new "look". :)

Talk to you soon. 

When Nothing Is Happening, Is Something Brewing?

Sometimes nothing is really going on in life. I mean yea, I have a baby growing at an alarming rate inside of me... but really no major events have taken place. 

This makes me wonder, if something is "coming". 

Do you ever feel that way? Like, wait a second... there should be something happening. Suspicious. 

This leads me to believe that something big is fixing to happen. Or is it? I mean, we have been going through major life changes pretty much since we got married (btw our anniversary is coming up). Where's the other shoe? 

All I can say is pleeeeeeaaaase don't let it be something horrible. lol. I don't know if this is a pregnancy thing or not, but I have found myself preparing for the worst. I have had weird anxiety dreams about horrible awful bad things happening in our family. Can a girl just get in on some unicorn dreams? 

I think it's the Walking Dead. We have been watching season 2 on Netflix, are you caught up? No spoilers please! But let me know how you are liking it. 

Well, I guess this was one of those filler posts. One of those posts that don't and won't move mountains. But maybe I can look back on this post and be like, "See, here is where I predicted that big thing that happened." 

Also, would anyone be interested in reading what I have to say on couponing or marriage?