Today is our anniversary. November 20, 2009. We were married when I was young. Like 19 young. So yes, do the math. You will conclude that I am a 22 year old wife, with a baby on the way. Pass your judgements quickly and get over some of the shock. Despite what my generation has led you to believe we are not all idiots. Yes, I was young and I did have to grow up during our marriage, but let me tell you -- I wouldn't have it any other way. I see it as we got a headstart on our life.
I will share what little wisdom I have learned in 3 years of marriage. I could be wrong with what I say, you could choose to let my age or my inexperience with life affect how you take what the rest of this post is about, but I will tell you that you could be making a mistake. I think we are called to share this sort of wisdom with each other so we can grow -- and grow closer to our spouse in return. Here are my tidbits.
1) God First, Spouse Second.
This is biblical. We have found that whenever we have our priorities straight, marriage seems easy and fun. When we put something ahead of God in the priority list, such as money or work, we tend to lose sight of what we are going for in this life and that's to serve God and then serve each other.
2) Submit to your husband.
I think this is where some will go "Whoa! Whoa! We are equals!". Yea, that's true in society, men and women are equals. And I'm not saying that men or husbands are better than women, I'm saying we as wives should allow our husbands to lead the household. I don't think this is a free pass for men to sit on the couch while we fix dinner and raise the children, I'm saying that in our culture we are taught to take control. In our society, women are considered weak if they don't control a situation, lay down the law with their men, or be the final word in all decisions. It's wrong. Our culture has taught us that husbands are the dumb guys that order the wrong cell phone package or get the wrong cheese. They couldn't possibly be trusted with getting the right cheese! Submit to your husband. Trust that every idea and leadership decision he makes is in the best interest of your family and you will see that when you allow your man to lead, he does just that. He leads.
3) Talk About Your Expectations You Have For Him
We all have this image of the "ideal husband" in our heads. It's been crammed in there from when we were little girls. (My man will rub my feet every night and then gives me roses for everything). We all have these expectations. Ask your husband, I'm sure he has a few of his own. What I've learned from marriage is that if you never talk about your expectations with your spouse and just expect him to "understand your needs", you're going to be let down. Not that it's by any fault of your husband, it's because he literally doesn't know what you want from him. Talk. About. It.
4) You should "come onto" Him Too
Wait a sec, did I just talk about sexy time? Oh, yes I did. It's scandalous, I know. But really, we women have been making men look bad for a long time with this. We just don't have the sex drive like men do. WRONG. We just don't have the same type of sex drive men do. Ours is definitely not a switch to be turned on and off in a moments notice, but it does go to the "on" mode. My advice is make the first move and see what happens. Stop making your man beg for it all the time and surprise him by "coming onto" him first. WOWZA!
Well, that's all I have for you. I hope you enjoy. And I would love to hear what advice you have for me! I'm a really good listener, I swear.